5 years

Dear Zoe, tomorrow marks the day of half a decade since you were painfully euthanized, 5 years it has been. I can still remember the exact day when you started to reject bak kwa. It felt so weird, looking at you trying to struggle your way to greet me when I reached Ah Ma's place. That moment I can feel the shine in you fade, it was slowly dimming like watching the credits of a movie that you enjoyed watching slowly screen. Still you smiled your most vibrant smile to me, wagging your tail as I called out your name. Day by day everyone noticed that the lump in your bone was getting worse and everyone knew an inevitable painful goodbye was approaching. I took it the hardest, for I never had a friend quite like you. I can still recall the many encounters where you stood by me, protecting me from Ahma and Mum, safeguarding me from their attempts to punish me. You never left me, never once.

Half a decade, now the small boy that you once knew has grown up, trying to figure out what is his path like on this earth. However, that small boy, that boy who always buys delicious treats and loveable chewy toys for you using his previous savings, the boy who always sneak you out for walks and delicious human food, he has not forgotten you.

I remember walking into the animal clinic with everyone that loved you so dearly. I reached and immediately Ahma carefully placed your bloody body onto me, and for the first time I could see the end coming. I didnt want it to end like this but I couldnt bear to see you hurt again. You struggled until the last day and everyone bleed inside knowing the joyful and smart Zoe was in so much pain she cried every night.

For the first time in my life I watched the vet inject the lethal dose of poison into you, the you whom I wanted to be beside forever, I remember my fist almost flying out to the vet when he slipped a moment making the process just a little more painful for you. You skidded a little trying to escape the latex gloved hands of the vet. There and then, you turn around and looked at me for the last time and I saw the light in your sparkling eyes fade away.

I fainted outside crying so hard I knew I am never getting the chance to see my best friend again. Everyone hugged me and told me that you are going to a better place. A place where you'll feel no pain again. Yes, anywhere but here.

5 years it will. I hope and I know you will be elsewhere, somewhere you'll be happy again. I hope that you wont be back as an animal again, hopefully, a daughter of a loving family where appropriate care and love would never be compromised.

I wished you are here, I miss you terribly.

I will visit you tomorrow, the same place, always, rain or shine.

Be well Zoe, I will never forget you

and I will always love you.